Psychology Topics:
Adolescent Bullying:
Adolescent or childhood bullying involves deliberate hurtful behavior plus an imbalance of power between the victim and the bully that makes it hard for the victim to defend herself. Bullying is often repeated over time, but sometimes a single severe incident can qualify.
When we think of bullying, most of us picture a big kid beating up a little kid. However, bullying can also involve threats, vicious teasing and name-calling, or constantly ostracizing someone. Both girls and boys can bully, although girls are more likely to do it in a nonphysical way.
It is sometimes hard to draw the line between ordinary meanness and bullying. Not every scuffle or unkind remark constitutes bullying. All children get teased or taunted. At some point most children will have to cope the sting of being rejected or excluded from a group. Many children get involved in an occasional angry shoving match or in wrestling play that gets out of hand. Sporadic incidents like these can be very upsetting for children and parents, but they don’t have the devastating long-term consequences for both the victim and the aggressor that bullying does.
Bullying is more than meanness; it’s peer abuse. Bullying involves a pattern of systematic, targeted intimidation and harassment. If the victim regularly feels frightened, threatened, or humiliated rather than occasionally mad or embarrassed, it is probably bullying. If the aggression is frequent, severe, or enduring, it is bullying.
It’s tempting to blame bullying completely on the aggressive child. Cruel behavior certainly shouldn’t be excused or tolerated. But research observations of pairs of children playing games show that both vulnerable and intimidating children contribute to the pattern of bullying. These children bring out the worst in each other. When bullies and victims are paired, they each play their classic domineering and submissive roles. Bullies act bossy and reject victims’ suggestions, while victims passively comply with bullies’ orders. However, when bullies and victims are paired with other children, they behave in less stereotypical ways. Bullies are less likely to oppose their partners’ ideas, and victims are more likely to assertively ask for help or explanations.
As parents, seeing a blow to our child strikes at our heart. Sometimes it brings out the mother lioness in us, and we feel a ferocious desire to protect our child against the “mean kid.” Sometimes it keeps us up at night, worrying about how our child is suffering. Sometimes our child gets over the hurt faster than we do. Most kids are resilient enough to handle occasional incidents that make them feel embarrassed or upset, but being regularly intimidated and humiliated can leave lifelong scars. So, although we don’t want to overreact to every little slight our child receives, we must not minimize the pain of being bullied.
If bullying becomes a problem in your family life, don't hesitate to seek the counsel of a therapist / psychologist in order to obtain behavior modification tools to deal with the problem.
Kaynaz Nasseri is a psychology-therapist specializing in helping with adolescent and childhood bullying. Her psycho-therapist practice is located in Newport Beach, but she helps patients that visit her from all of Southern California, including Orange County, San Diego, and Los Angeles, such as: