Psychology Topics:
Intimacy and Marriage:
It’s not really clear why, but men and women have struggled with their different intimacy urges for centuries. However, this is not a trivial issue. A healthy intimate life is one of the most critical features of a fulfilling relationship. In fact, low drive for intimacy is probably the single most troubling symptom married women face and the one problem most likely to damage their relationships permanently. Intimacy in marriage is vital because it proves the willingness of each person to be vulnerable to the other.
Intimacy in marriage has a significant symbolic importance as it can represent the greatest single factor of disappointment in a relationship. It’s not that intimacy is everything; this notion is absurd. But a good intimate relationship with your partner is important. In fact, if you and your partner agree that you have a good intimacy, it probably represents only 10-20 percent of what you feel is important in your relationship. But if you and your partner don’t agree that your intimacy is healthy, it can become a dominant issue; one that can overshadow everything else that is good. When intimacy becomes an issue, there is an unhealthy tension between partners. Anxiety, rejection, hurt feelings, guilt, inadequacy, and resentment become all too common. Because intimacy is so personal, feelings of rejection in this particular area are magnified dramatically. Rejection in this area is much more painful than being told you don’t look good in yellow or the joke you told wasn’t funny.
Of course, on a percentage basis, more women have concerns about their weight and energy levels than they do about low intimacy, and many feel that if they could get their weight under control and their energy back that their intimate life would also improve. This is very likely true, and psychologists and other mental health professionals help women to work on these other issues as well as improving their drive for intimacy. However, a partner having a low intimacy in the marriage has a more direct and potentially more damaging long-term effect on the relationship than any other symptom. Even more compelling is that the damage to the relationship can occur very quickly and have devastating results. Having low intimacy is a very common reason why women and men seek either individual therapy, marriage therapy, or couples therapy.
A psychologist / couples therapist or marriage therapist can help the partners realize the root causes behind the low intimacy, which in turn can help to build a stronger relationship and a fulfilling marriage.
Kaynaz Nasseri is a psychology therapist specializing in the treatment of low intimacy in marriage and marriage therapy. Her psychotherapy practice is located in Newport Beach, but she helps patients that visit her from all of Southern California, including Orange County, San Diego, and Los Angeles, such as: